


Packing My Ramen And Leaving

by acatenthusiast



Series: Memeing Is Not A Choice, It's A Way Of Life [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, I Tried, Karaoke, M/M, Rick-Rolling, Sad Karaoke Food, Sex Talk, Tumblr Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28389042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acatenthusiast/pseuds/acatenthusiast
Summary: Socialising is never a good choice, especially with your asshole friends.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Series: Memeing Is Not A Choice, It's A Way Of Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079168
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12
Collections: EXO Bakery - 2021





	Packing My Ramen And Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for exohome4u fest with a self prompt based on ticket#127.

"He's so embarrassing. I swear every time he makes a joke like that, I cringe so hard that my abs get more refined." Jongdae thunks his head on top of the norebang table, and some strands of his hair land in the coleslaw cup, "I can't believe I'm gonna fuck him."

Baekhyun gives Jongdae a look which can only be described as _disgusted judgement,_ "You don’t _have_ to fuck him, you do know that, right?"

Jongdae turns his head to Baekhyun with mayonnaise and minced lettuce conditioning his hair, but he doesn't look at Baekhyun, rather stares past him into the direction where Minseok is laughing his ass off, "No, I'm definitely gonna. I'm gonna ride him in his car. I stashed a bottle of lube in the glove compartment, I need to test it out."

One of Baekhyun's eyebrows twitches in irritated anger, "The _lube_? You're gonna test out lube?"

Jongdae's lips morph into a smug grin and he nods with his head still lying on the table, and more mayonnaise gets smothered on his hair- thick, white paste made grainy with white pepper- sticking strands of his hair together, covering it in a thin, almost transparent slimy film -and now instead of coleslaw mayonnaise, it looks like something else that tastes bitter. (Baekhyun knows, the coleslaw may look good but it's _disgusting._ And well, he found out what _something else_ tastes like in his early college days in a rather _premature_ accident.)

"Is that all you ever do, fish for excuses so you can shove his dick up your ass at any given moment?" Baekhyun asks, raging. (He's pissed, and not only because it's gross to think of his bestest best friend and his respectable hyung in that way, but also because he's pathetically abandoned by his Sehun who can't come back to Korea for at least another 20 hours, and any indication of people getting dick is an instant reminder of how he can't get any. Baekhyun hates it.)

Jongdae scoffs, "Of course not, we take turns in shoving dicks up our asses. Why would we settle for half the dynamic when we can have _all_ the fun?" 

Baekhyun glares at Jongdae, almost gagging at the mental image of it all. He hates how Jongdae sighs wistfully at Minseok's direction, with that serene look on his face, obviously not giving a shit about the awkward pain his best friend is going through. Baekhyun wishes he could rip off his own arm so he could hit Jongdae with it, or at least throw it at him. But since he's wearing a newly acquired hoodie from Sehun’s closet, he opts for the second best option which doesn't dirty the soft&sacred clothing in it's process- smashing the dry as fuck burger he wasted his money on all over Jongdae's face. The soggy buns slips off and lands in a heap on the tabletop beside Jongdae's face, both of them somehow too slippery with frozen butter and tasteless ketchup. The patty smacks Jongdae's nose with a loud _thwack_ , since it has been fried until all the moisture of the meat has evaporated and the patty has been transformed into a rock.

Jongdae whines under the patty with a breathy moan, "Harder daddy!"

Baekhyun gives into his twitching fingers and flicks Jongdae's neck with as much force as he can muster, and leaves a screeching Jongdae behind to drown in questionable white slime to sit with the obviously most sane person in the room, Kyungsoo.

  
  
  
  


Kyungsoo looks like he's going to have an aneurysm any moment now, going by the set of his jaw and his twitching eyebrows. He could not be judging them all any harder without hurting himself. He throws Baekhyun a look when Baekhyun merrily plops into the chair beside him.

Baekhyun cheerily shows affection to the cutest person in the whole room, "Heyyy darling!"

Kyungsoo stares at Baekhyun like he's trying to understand exactly what is going through Baekhyun's head, or planning how to disember him in the most effective ways. With Kyungsoo, either is possible. He wasn't voted 'most likely to become an axe murderer' in highschool for nothing. But Baekhyun doesn't cower, he bravely drapes himself on Kyungsoo and chews on a handful of peanuts obnoxiously.

Kyungsoo pushes him off with a harsh shove and grits his teeth, then says in a surprisingly monotone voice, "What do you want."

It has taken time, but Baekhyun has eventually gotten used to Kyungsoo speaking in constant deadpan. It’s not Kyungsoo's fault his emotional growth has been stunted much like his height. Besides, it's not like he doesn’t know how to express normal human emotion, on the contrary, he's plenty sweet, and sometimes even talkative if one can catch him in the right mood.

But tonight isn't one of those moods, and Baekhyun’s name usually doesn't register on the spectrum of Kyungsoo's 'should/want to be nice to always' list. But Baekhyun doesn't take it to heart, because Chanyeol’s name doesn't appear on that list either and Kyungsoo is whipped for him. (Being whipped doesn't make him pull his punches either.)

So, undeterred by the hostile treatment, Baekhyun continues to chew, _noisily,_ "Jongdae is being disgusting."

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes so hard Baekhyun almost feels concerned over his eyesight, "I'm surprised that you left instead of joining in."

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo with an exaggerated sexual pout, just the way Kyungsoo absolutely _loathes,_ "Soo, do you really think I'm disgusting?"

Kyungsoo's expression dictates that he does, in fact, associate Baekhyun with the word 'disgusting'.

Let the record show that Baekhyun was, in the truest sense of the word- brave, as he tried to give Kyungsoo's emotionally constipated ass a hug.

It was definitely not his fault that Kyungsoo pinched him on his arm with defty as hell fingers. Baekhyun squaks and thrashes away, the sting feeling razor sharp through the sleeve of the hoodie. It's gonna bruise and it'll be too low to cover in a T shirt, and it'll probably show up on their group photo tomorrow. Junmyeon is gonna freak.

Baekhyun lets Kyungsoo rage silently as he recovers. Kyungsoo sips at his beer in relative peace. But not for long, Baekhyun prepares himself to enjoy as Chanyeol gets up to sing a song in his drunken state, exclaiming loudly enough to be heard from space, "This is for my 'Soo!"

Baekhyun sneaks a glance to Kyungsoo, and notes the fondness behind his exasperated sigh.

He can try and fool everyone all he wants, but Baekhyun knows.

He's a sap.

  
  
  
  


"I can't believe he's doing this to me, doing _that_ in public." Kyungsoo aggressively chomps on his nacho chips as Chanyeol re-enacts "Never Gonna Give You Up" to the best of his abilities- doing the voice, the back voice, the dance- basically the whole nine yard. (That's talent right there.)

Baekhyun steals a chip from the paper basket, but Kyungsoo doesn't threaten to chop Baekhyun's fingers off and make porridge with them like usual.

Huh, he must be _really_ mad.

"He sounds good though." Baekhyun tries to placate Kyungsoo, not because he's trying to save Chanyeol from his boyfriend's wrath, but because keeping Kyungsoo occupied with conversation means Baekhyun can steal approximately 55% of the chips before Kyungsoo kicks him off the chair.

"The song is going to be stuck in my head forever. I'm going to have to sing these words until my death. I have an article due in the morning that I haven't finished writing yet, and now the only words I can think of are of the Fallen Jesus _._ I'm doomed, there's no escaping." He slams one of his fist down on the table, but the booming noise gets drowned out by Chanyeol’s drunken slurring in the microphone, "I can't believe he _rickrolled_ me in a fucking _norabang_ of all places. I'm gonna fuck him."

Baekhyun really wants to keep the conversation going in a steady pace so he can still fill the bottomless pit he has for a stomach with free chips, but he absolutely _can't_ help but add to that ominous open ended sentence Kyungsoo just said.  
"Fuck him up? You meant fuck him up, right?"

Kyungsoo transfers his Grim Reaper glare from Chanyeol’s direction to Baekhyun’s, "I said what I said, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun stands up abruptly, grabs his ' _ramen for one ~ to go_ ' and leaves right out of the door. He is so fucking tired of his friends shoving their sex life in his face when he hasn't been getting any for weeks. Stupid Paris with its stupid fashion week- who cares about it anyway? (Sehun and Sehun’s boss- that's who.)

Baekhyun's gonna go home, eat his ramen with sausages and eggs. And then, he'll get the silicone sleeve and call Sehun _accidentally_ in a compromising position.

Still a better ending to his night than hanging out with these losers he so generously calls friends.


End file.
